I’m in an unprecedented time in my life in that I’m actually taking two Bible studies. One, The Search for Significance, I’ve already written about. The other is Dynamic Marriage, and it’s both teaching and inspiring me…
For every person who has ever told Rod and me, during some polite PDAing, to get a room or something to that effect, I can only say this:
You want a happy union? LOVE each other.
You’re not receiving love? GIVE it…and TALK about it.
You don’t ‘feel‘ the love? CHOOSE it.
Rod is my best friend. I always want to talk to him. I always want to be with him. This doesn’t mean I don’t greatly emphasize and enjoy other relationships in my life, but it does mean that ours comes first. Always, and even before our kids (obviously not before God).
We still hold hands in the car. We still say ‘I love you’ on the phone, maybe more than once. We still talk several times a day on the days we aren’t together. We intentionally seek to make the other laugh, to show affection, and to Get IN the Room we already have.
You can’t ignore a relationship or take a person for granted and expect that relationship to flourish.
We are at the beginning of a marriage class. I am excited about what it will teach us and where it will lead us. We never had pre-marital counseling, marriage training, or even much specific advice given. People either didn’t want to advise on our crazy union at its beginning, or now they think we have it all together. Well, we do have it together, but there is always room for improvement. There are nights we don’t kiss before drifting off to sleep. There are days we say ugly things to each other. There are weeks when we just can’t seem to connect.
But we always want to be together. And it’s good to get some more tools in our arsenal to assist us during hard times,
I just started following the wife of one of my favorite preachers. Cindy Easley is married to Dr. Michael Easley, a former president of Moody Bible College in Chicago. Her book is called Dancing With the One You Love, and her FB page just linked to some wonderful ideas on how to love your husband.
To this great list I would like to add….
– meet his physical needs. This doesn’t make you a slave, but it does make you an obedient Christian woman and a good wife. (and by the way, it doesn’t have to be a chore…) I recommend rekindling a love for kissing. I read an article in my beloved Good Housekeeping a few years ago that suggested kissing good night for no less than 6 seconds. Try it. Seriously.
– look your best. Chances are he doesn’t care that you don’t look how you looked on your honeymoon, or before the pregnancies. But he does notice if you wear something flattering, put on some lipstick, and smile because you feel good about yourself.
– do not trash him to your friends (in person or on FB) or disrespect him in front of your children. Sometimes I am guilty of interrupting him when he corrects the kids. Sometimes we have different opinions on how to discipline them. I need to wait… thereby showing my kids to respect their father and authority in general.
– do something he likes to do. Ask me about Kentucky basketball…
– listen to him. Granted, most guys don’t want or need to talk as much as we do, so when he is stuck on a subject, even if it’s one that bores you (bus engines, politics), incites you (some politics), or grosses you out, listen. He is talking to you because he trusts and values you. Stop what you’re doing, tell the kids to wait, look him in the eye, and support him with your attention.
– pray with him. For no reason other than ADD, or perhaps laziness, this is a tough one for us. It’s not that we’re unwilling to pray together; it’s just that we don’t take the time to do it. This is one of our daily homework assignments for the Dynamic Marriage class.
– dream with him. When our kids are grown, I’d like to move to Europe for a year and write. I would also like to drive across the U.S., ending my trip at the Muir National Park in California. I can’t imagine doing this without him, and I don’t want to.
I’m not a marriage expert, but I am an expert on my marriage. This month we will celebrate nine glorious years of a marriage that statistics, common sense, and at least half the people we knew said would never make it. The only reasons we have made it are because God, in His amazing grace, blessed us, and because we are extremely careful to take care of our marriage. I’ll spend the rest of my life being grateful, and passing on what I’ve learned.