My KK is new to using a lunchbox. She brings lunch to her new pre-school a few times a week. We haven’t bought her her own lunchbox yet, so she uses a random lunch bag that fits her various food items (she likes a lot, and variety) ‘just so.’
This morning, she asked me to pack her Spider-Man waterbottle, and though I was not sure of its spill-proofness, I obliged. On the way to school, while she sat in the back of the minivan, far out of my reach, she took everything out of her lunchbag to view what I had packed. Then, she proceeded to haphazardly cram it all back in and fight with the zipper to get it closed over Spider-man’s head.
Disclaimer: I will also add that we have family in town this week, so we are doing that “pretend we are on vacation even though there is school and work” thing, and we’re a little tired…
Cue teaching moment for KK’s mama:
Kaity, don’t try to zip it. It has to fit a certain way. Just leave it.
KK, just leave it.
KK, I will fix it when we stop. Just leave it!
me (as I picture applesauce, grape jam, and water flying everywhere to mix with all the other crap making our van sticky and horrible)
swears under breath
JESUS HELP ME! KK, JUUUUUUST LEAVE IT!!
slams the lunch bag down on the seat.
glares at me
The truth of it all is what actually glared at me. Allow me a moment to map it out:
- I was driving my child safely to her destination, after having lovingly and thoughtfully packed her mess in the only way it would have worked.
- She tried to see what was in there without help and before the appointed time.
- When I forced her to listen to me telling her why her actions were wrong and how I could help her, she threw it down and got mad at me.
Unlike God, I lost my patience. But everything else in that scenario could have easily been switched out… God as The Parent, me as The Child.
I want to know what is waiting for me.
I want to take care of all the messes myself.
I, after 36 years of growing, still sometimes throw it down and get mad at God when something doesn’t go my way or even if He, through the guidance of another voice or His Holy Spirit, stops me from doing something stupid.
Nothing was spilled in the car. I repacked KK’s lunch, and we hugged and exchanged “I love yous” as if no conflict had occurred. It is the beauty of small children, how their hearts open wide enough to blot out offenses.
It is a 15 minute drive to KK’s school, but another example of how being a parent teaches me a multitude of wisdom for this life’s journey.
Yesterday, a pastor/friend of mine said to me,
“Just tote it; don’t try to wield it.”
Translated out of church-ese, that says:
“Carry it, but don’t try to control it.”
Wisdom whispered to me… may I pass it on gently to my children.