Category: a day in the crazy life

Victory

I am pretty sure the only other time I have felt the way I did today was when I was waiting for Rod to come home on April 12, 2006, so that we could take a pregnancy test that ended up confirming that Infertile Kelly was going to have a Miranda!

Hm. Not sure that makes sense. Oh well.

We were facing a trial today, a decision that could make or break 8+ months of work and sacrifice for our family and others. Well, we thought we were. Rod had a call scheduled for 2pm to discuss it, and the discussion was a non-event. The decision had already been made. The meeting had already taken place. And the prayer that we’d claimed had already been answered.

I have NO idea, really, WHY it is we who are ‘doing’ the Branson Gospel Music Convention. I have never even BEEN to Branson (though now we’re going Sunday…). I have a degree in English Education and a background in IS Project Management. I quit my teaching job to be a stay-at-home Mommy. And as the line goes, SG friends, up until this year I thought Wendy Bagwell was a woman.

This is so NOT our thing. It is God’s. And I know that more than ever because in the last weeks we have had the whole thing almost turned upside because someone we trusted and loved turned out not to be who we believed and had done a lot of things to make it impossible. But what men (and by that, I mean any one of us) mean for evil, God means for good.

My WHOLE LIFE is a testimony to that.

I have already gained so much through the process of planning for Branson… understanding, job skills, kinship with the post office, amazing friendships. After today, which I spent working but also praying, listening to gospel music, and fasting (which Nacho Queen has NEVER done before), I am expecting much more than a convention, much more than what we’ve planned and expected. I am expecting a revival. And I say: bring it, Lord!

We still have a lot of work to fill the next 2.5 weeks and a lot of tickets to sell, but suddenly the load already seems lighter. Rod sings a song called ‘Victory’s Coming,’ and today I feel like it’s already here.

Should-be

The babies are napping. This is the second day in a row they both went down for me (Kaity always does; Miranda, not so much).

I should be cleaning the kitchen floor

I should be putting dishes away.

I should be working on Branson GMC.

I should be answering emails.

I should be organizing the to-do list for later today and the rest of this week. (Really? I should take this off this list. That just sounds ridiculous! Anal retentive much, Kelly?)

I should be reading Eat, Pray, Love before the library policeman comes and takes it away. It’s borrowed from another branch and already past due.

I should be reading a devotion.

I should be eating something sensible for lunch (but at least I’m eating nothing and not junk!) and drinking something without caffeine.

I should be working on the check book.

I should be ordering Josh’s graduation announcements(!!)
What I am doing:

– still crying over Maddie.

– missing Rod, who is gone until Thursday night.

– actually listening to nothing but the birds outside.

– thinking of plans for this weekend, because things keep getting switched around.

– thinking of alternative swim lesson plans (because our park district’s ‘s schedule is not going to work for us).

– thinking of all the stuff I should be doing.

It’s been a good week. Mother’s Day was a little bit fabulous for me, though it is very much seasoned with my thoughts of others for whom it was not so good. In all my shared sorrow for those who have lost children, I forgot about those who have lost moms, and it’s a sad day for them too.

I am working on letting go of some weights. There are aspects of the convention I cannot control. There are wants people have that I cannot deliver. There are idiosyncrasies of my own that I cannot satisfy right now. So I am working on letting go of those things, of giving my all and not trying to give what I don’t have. I should be looking around more often at what I do have, especially those baby smiles and those teenager hugs and a husband who still thinks I am fun and sexy. I still get along with my parents. I haven’t lost any friends in awhile. My sweet sis-in-law called to thank me today for helping with a dicey situation. Maybe, for the first time in my life, I should be just doing what I’m doing.

Photo: Totem pole from Sunday

I’m pretty sure God’s trying to teach me something today

My not getting up and getting ready (for me, this is wash hands & face, brush teeth, moisturize, make-up, little hair spruce, clothes) before the babies wake usually equals total Fail.

But today, again with Daddy gone, I’m trying to be mellow. So the three of us lounged together all snug in my bed, watching some of Sesame Street. But once the milk was gone and Elmo was done running, mutiny began.

You know what it’s like, so I won’t go into detail. And then during the mayhem, I thought of a Tweet I wanted to send. Yesterday, Kaity sneak-attacked vomited on me (ag!) AND she pooped in the bathtub for the first time. So I was going to send, “Goal for today: get through without an A.F.R, V.I., or M.E.*’

I didn’t get a chance to send it. Somewhere in there, Kaity pooped, it escaped her diaper, got on her cute leggings, and… smeared on my hand.

When we came downstairs, she snotted on my white shirt.

We were going to go to story hour at the library, but with Kaity having a runny nose and Miranda coughing, I’d rather not start a swine flu panic. (Yeah. Media hype much?).

Miranda broke her new invisible-pen-magic-color thing within minutes of receving it last night. This morning I kept having to explain over and over again that it was broken, in the garbage, gone bye-bye. Then after I specifically told her not to, she tried to look for it in the garbage can.

That’s when I started thinking, ‘Hmm. Ok, God. That’s me. I hear stuff, but I have to check and double check…’

Last night, I had a difficult talk with Teen Daughter. I was pretty sure I was totally failing, but it’s a topic neither of us are very comfortable explorig. And as evidenced this morning, she likley ignored everything I said. Lesson: she is going to have to figure this one out on her own. And it will hurt a little.

So now we are trying to be mellow. It is raining, again. The meat is in the crockpot for carnitas, one of my favorite dinners. Today is my last foreseeable day teaching at the hospital, though I hope I go back in the fall. Rod is coming home tonight and there’s a new Grey’s on that will hopefully NOT involve tragic stories about little children or pregnant women. It’s 10am and I finally took my first sip of coffee. We’ll take it one moment at a time today!

* Translation: Accidental Fecal Release, Vomit Incident, Mucus Event.

Fullness

If I had to pick a set of problems, it might look a lot like the ones I have right now…

– I am full. I am full of things to do and people to love.

– I am short… on time and energy, because of all the things and people and love.

Events over the weekend caused me to evaluate some of my ‘stuff’ – you know the stuff: my passions, my compassions, my complaints. And as most of us learn sometime in our late 20s (or whenever it is we actually grow up), I know that my greatest strengths can be weaknesses if I don’t use them well.

I used to view my ability to love and accept others as a trap. I trusted so many wrong people. I got tricked. I got hurt. But in the long run? Who cares? ‘

Not sure the woman in the mirror taking this picture, the one who needs to lose 20 pounds and get her eyebrows and grays groomed, who should read more scriptures and fewer blogs, who has a big case of frustrated perfectionism, who is always looking for the next thing… could be any fuller.

A list, anyway

I was mentally composing this post all weekend. It was going to be about ‘confessions’ – snarky lilttle thoughts and incidents from  our trip. And now I can’t remember all the funny things I was going to say. Probably for the best.

Today… was a comedy of errors. Nothing went right. Little got done. So once I realized the post I planned for today had gone bust, I started to mentally plan a list of everything that ran amuck today (a FAIL blog, if you will) – for example: puke in car (Miranda’s), locking keys in car, leaving keys inside bank, not being able to find cute-non-70s-hippy-non-Jesus-sandals-non-practical-Mom-shoes…

Anyway, the most positive thing I can do at that end of this very, very NOT productive day is to post a list of all the good things I can think of:

– Miranda took her breakfast outside on the patio, sat in a chair, ate it, then sang. So, so sweet.
– Kaity said “Hi Paige” when Paige walked into the room
– They BOTH sang words to Sound of Music in the car. Kaity, too! She was almost asleep and woke up to sing the word ‘Hills!’ She is sososo sweet.
– We had a fun lunch with Gramma after a trip to her office
-… and Miranda did not have a tantrum when the balloon Gramma’s boss gave her flew away (‘with the birdies’ – the wind was FIERCE today)
– I may have found someone to fix up with the BFF (bank manager. Hoozah!)
– The guy from Kohl’s credit called to collect my late payment (FAIL) and I ended up about making him cry (in a good way) sharing with him about my miracle babes. He & his wife have a 6 year old son and they are having trouble conceiving baby #2.  I promised God I would NEVER stop testifying about our miracle babies and I won’t.  He is hope for the hopeless. I will try to remember this in the future when the kids are making noise in the background of Every Phone Conversation I Have.
– We had a relatively event-free dinner, bathtime, and bedtime.
– I got some laundry done.
– I found someone from whom to purchase Pampered Chef stuff, and it’s going to benefit the March of Dimes in Maddie’s honor.
– Sammie the Dog looks really cute with her new shave.
– Rod cleaned the carseats.. no more icky smell in car (Though he should get an engineering degree just for being able to take those apart and put them back together).
– My new laptop has shipped and everything but my (20GB of) music is backed up and ready to go. Yay!

So yeah. I am behind on everything… emails, phone messages, blibbity blah. But at the end of the day, if the kids and husband are content, no one had to go to the doctor, and I got to watch Dancing with the Stars, then I say we’re doing OK!