We’ve gotten over the shock of a new school year. Lunch gets made before the last minute. No one has been late to school.
Part of the reason I got through those first 2 weeks is because our whole family was so crazy-busy that we didn’t have a chance to get overly emotional.
Part of it is because Miranda rocks, and she loves school, and bounces up that sidewalk to the door like she Owns It.
And part of it is because of my amazing board of BFFS…or rather, my MFFs: Mama-Friends-Forever. They sent so many nuggets of love and wisdom I wanted to share:
“So they teach her to read. You teach her about purity, perseverance, a real faith in a real Savior, how to bake homemade hamburger buns…Fear not, friend. But feel free to weep. You are both ridiculously loved.”
“I don’t know how to explain the push to go after what is in your heart in the midst of being a mother of young(er) children. It is a battle of the soul in the most truest form. How can both burn so fiercely inside me? My wish is for one fire to dwindle so the other can be brighter, but God has not wired me as such. I must balance it all in obedience to His desire for my life. I don’t know why it has to be this way. I don’t know why I don’t have peace putting my children in school…and I don’t know why I have to split homeschooling with the work of ministry. All I know is that it is my portion of life. It’s the life He has for me. I don’t know the end from the beginning, but it is my responsibility to walk it out.”
“The proudest moment you will ever have with them is when they look up at you and ask you to pray with them at the altar.”
“And He’s got this. Until He’s ready for it to be different….but it sucks big time because it’s not what you want…but she’s standing by a palm tree smiling, so life is ok:) “
There was a longer message that inspired this entire blog post, because mostly I was hiding how traumatic this whole thing felt to me, because it seems silly, but it is, as you read above, just not quite what I wanted to be, so I have to get used to it. I am already getting used to God’s plans surprising me, to having to bend my will or pray my desires into matching His. I am getting adept at looking at circumstances as “seasons,” and the truth of this season is that things are calming down at work, and some time for this mama to be organized, focused, and sane might be a good thing. Also: Miranda Loves School, and KK is thriving too.
Another MFF, a fellow self-employed/day-dreaming/big-vision-planning/hybrid school sent mt this and gave me permission to share it : (click to continue)
Hey sister… just thinking about you this morning as you try to be all things to all people- especially your children.
If you’re like me- you’re going to put yourself last in your endeavors to be the mom you aspire to be. You’ll take every waking moment away from work to quickly make up for the things you were wanting to do when you were at work. The problem with that is (wait for it)….. a) You’ll put yourself so last that you’ll wear your booty out, b) your ideas are in YOUR head but not theirs c) you won’t be able to stay refreshed and at your best by taking some of that time for just yourself -as a priority. (And it’s important for their mom to be nurtured before she can nurture them!)
I’ve been a stay at home mom, full time mom, working out of the office at home mom (with the symphony), taking one of my kids to work with me mom, volunteering for every thing mom, etc!
In each of these seasons- there were pros and cons. Some of the happiest memories of my kids were times that I didn’t think it was ideal for them from my standpoint. Other memories they adore are times they were allowed to be part of my working life… T1 loved coming to meetings as a toddler. He was “my date” at restaurant meetings and played with his cars and coloring while I did all kinds of business. R used to hand out papers at meetings and make coffee, etc. T2 was ooed and ahed over in her swing at my office with a million aunts and uncles.
So, I just want to help you from my hindsight perspective. If I had to do it all over again- I might not have done some of the busy work things and some really were fine for me and for them. They were even good exposure to people of all ages and many experiences that contributed to their personality and life. Sometimes I was able to make the cookies and hang out- sometimes I couldn’t and that was ok too. I didn’t know it was ok at the time and beat myself up about it internally and sometimes wore myself out wayyyy too much and started losing who I was during that time. And that’s just what I want to share with you so you don’t do that.
Please take care of yourself and show them a role model of a godly woman who is in love with their father and them and who goes with the flow and works hard and cares. Thru it all, your LOVE is consistent, they know you are there for them and care about them and are their nurturer. For everything there is a season and they’ll learn that…. and learn flexibility along the way. But MOSTLY, they will learn that the important things with your relationship to them is the love and the more they see other families thru the years- the more they’ll appreciate the one they have and the parents they have.
Kids are who they are on loan from God to you. Thru all their differences, one thing my three kids all agree on- thru everything else I did in my life, they were so happy I was their mom and they always knew I was there for them and nothing was more important then them. They were also proud of having a unique mom whom the other kids were jealous of even sometimes.
Just sharing for what it’s worth.
I will forever second guess my choices, especially when it comes to how/where the girls get their education. I stand firm on the idea that it will change as it needs to as the seasons go on, that I will take my cues from what makes them thrive. Right now, I am in love with an increasing number of nights at home and how much they love doing their homework. Tonight, for example, KK worked ahead and still asked for more to do (she writes her first and last name just beautifully!), and Randa and I tackled lower case d, with which she is having some trouble. When I do get the opportunity to homeschool, these moments of working together help me to observe and learn how my kids learn.
And one last piece of advice will guide me, and I hope you, too:
Let every decision for them be guided by your love, and you will never be wrong.