Really… almost a whole month since I’ve written? Seems bizarre, but also, the way things have been lately, not surprising.

We moved. It was a pretty uneventful day, save for the strep throat (Paige), the wasp sting (KK, during her introduction to her new swing set), a flat tire (our car), and a very sleepy but yummy 21st-birthday celebration:

In between shuffling, unpacking, and breaking down boxes (with help from some pretty amazing friends), we {finally} opened a theatre. The first show was June 15. We have been having a blast with some fine Polynesian folks,

making big plans with some others,

and generally running ourselves ragged…

’cause living a dream usually means some pretty hard work, major adjustments, and things never quite looking how we think they will…

That said, look what I found while unpacking yesterday, from the inaugural Branson GMR. And wow, have we been missing Branson these last 2 weeks. Yesterday marked one year since we were there…

I’m grateful for the chance to keep dreaming, and doing so with my family, and adding to my family, even while I miss a whole lot of my family. Does that make sense? Probably not…but now you understand that my brain has pretty much been reduced to oatmeal these days.

~

Moving to a new location in the Myrtle Beach area has got me thinking hard about Where we are. Obviously, we came here for something that doesn’t even exist anymore, and maybe never really did. And even though on the surface our family is “all good now,” what with a theatre to run, gainful employment, and you know, the ocean, I admit that the residual effects of the last year, even the last few, are hard to live with some days. Months of meager self-employment followed pretty closely by surprise unemployment are not turned around easily. Loss of trust and vision and motivation makes it hard sometimes to move forward steadily. And now that we’re all cozy here in the Inlet, sinking our feet down deeper in the sand and proverbially waving our Palmetto flags, I feel so far from the life I knew for 34 years before coming here. I miss my friends every day but wonder if I would even fit in if I could go back. And as I have bounced around from new mama to road mama to work-at-home mama to unemployed mama to crazed-all-the-time-manager mama, sometimes I just feel an utter lack of identity. My children are growing fast. I am, gulp, approaching (or at??) middle age. And I don’t really know what the grand future looks like.

This is a bit much for a return to blogging and a Thursday night. So, on to the positive.

I do know that my future includes this:

 

and this:

and some of this:

 

and this

 

and I guess that is all I have to know…

~

I remember right after we moved here, talking to a friend of mine who was making decisions about full time work and homeschooling her kids. I said something like,

No decision short of death is really permanent, right? We live in America. We’re smart and healthy. If something doesn’t go right, we can undo it.

I look at that and know that those words were meant for me just as much as they were for her. She (De!) has given me some pretty amazing words back in this year, including today. I’m not sure we can undo some of the things that brought us where we are. Most days, I don’t want to undo anything. But I do want to shake off the residuals. I want restoration. I want to move on.

Next post: more upbeat. More about our lovely home, for which I am so grateful. Thanks to those who missed my little slice of Chicagolina.

Comments

comments

  • Jeepers481

    Good to see everything’s moving along for you guys :o) I think it’s pretty amazing to look at all you’ve endured and see how you’ve emerged from it even stronger and more determined than ever. You continue to impress me with your unrelenting motivation and your even-bigger heart.

    You guys are in such a beautiful place, but remember: you will always fit in back home, whether for a whirlwind visit or a semi-permanent move. Your friends and family love you for YOU, no matter where you go and what experiences you bring back with you.

    I miss you and love you all…give everyone hugs and kisses from me!

  • lizzyandmrdarcy

    Loved this post, much like I love all the others too. Have you ever heard of Ree Drummond (The Pioneer Woman)? She is a city girl, turned rancher who has such a huge heart and loves without abandon. Anyway, I just read her book where she recounts her love story with “Marlboro Man,” as she affectionately termed her hubby when she first met him. She reminds me so much of you in the way she writes, how much she loves, and how vulnerable she comes across.

    I understand what you mean about not feeling like you have a place if you were to move back home. As much as I enjoy visiting with people back in Chicago, the fact is that everyone’s lives move on, including my own. And, while we may not have the same place, we still have a place. The place is just different because we are different. I love you, Kel!