Pictured: Kaity, Daddy, serenity…
Today I had the blissful gift of a trip to the grocery stores (that’d be The Aldis and The Jewels for my fellow Chicago suburbanites). As I stood in line at the latter, I had one of those moments I guess I will anticipate for the time being, the holding time between Decision To Move, House For Sale, and Moving Away.
I was looking at the cover of People magazine, currently featuring Bret Michaels – and I will say not a word about the fact that the photo of him in the hospital bed looks completely and totally staged – and Jesse James (sigh) and a blond celebutante whose name eludes me at the moment. Anyway…
Suddenly, I was fighting back tears. And it was not because the singer of “Every Rose Has Its Thorn” has become such tabloid fodder. It was because I was thinking about how my mom and I so often trade magazines, how I have the ‘Most Beautiful People” issue sitting on the kitchen counter so I can remember to give it to her tomorrow, and how when we live 450 miles away that likely won’t happen anymore, unless we mail them to each other, and with the ever-increasing cost of postage, it might make more sense to just buy our own stupid magazines, which is beside the point…
The holding pattern of having the house Actually On The Market is going to give me a lot of this, I know. Already, friends of mine are saying, “This might be the last time we___” or “We have to do ____ before you go.” And I am feeling it too. It was just my last Mother’s Day living here. Last Friday may have been my last Moms & More meeting. We (ok, Paige) planted flowers in front of this house for the last time (thereby saving me from the FAT centipede that would have eaten me alive but didn’t scare Paige one bit…)
The thing is… as I was putting away our Christmas decorations back in December, without even consciously thinking about the next step or having a plan for said move, I knew that we had spent our last Christmas in this house. So the practical extra packing material is in place, but more significantly, I know in my heart that it is time for the Burton family to make our next move.
There have been so many “moves” in our short 7 years as a unit, and most of them just in the past 10 months. Our careers have changed, our goals, and even our modus operandi. We don’t have time for some of the things we used to, and I don’t say that as a complaint, but running a business (or several) in excellence and running a ministry with integrity means that games and distractions and less-than-edifying TV shows have naturally fallen by the way side, ’cause there isn’t time for them when there is so much work to do!
I am checking myself constantly now for where my thoughts go, for where my energy goes. I find that it’s getting easy to “accept what I cannot change” and “change the things that I can.” The “wisdom to know the difference” is a bit harder to grasp, so the work will continue there.
Serentiy is a valuable gift, one that I searched for before I even knew what it was. It’s taken me more than 30 years to find it, and now, surrounded by the few trusted ones who have said “We’re with you no matter,” and holding the hand of my best friend, and holding these precious kids I’ve been blessed with as close as I can, I’m fighting to keep it.
If you have peace, hang on tight. And if you don’t, fight for it.