There are always ‘certain moms’ I think of on Mother’s Day. I know it’s a sad day for those who have lost their moms or lost children, or for those who want to be moms or are simply away from their family. For several years, it was a sad day for me, too. I of course did not spend it with my stepkids, for they spent it with their mom.. Infertility on top of that was not exactly fun.
Now Mother’s Day, for me, is like Superhero Day. It’s a day that we won’t complain or even mention good-naturedly the labors and guilt and emotions of mothering. It’s a day to focus on the joys of it, and truly, the gifts we are given in being moms and having moms.
This year, the certain moms I am thinking of include…
– My sister-in-law and fellow FORMERLY infertile stepmom, who gets to be happy this mother’s day because her miracle was granted, and she/we all will meet that miracle in October!
– Rod’s cousin, who met her miracle about a month ago. We love baby Emma.
– My cousin, a new single mom. Not easy work, at all, but I know she will persevere and thrive for her sweet girl.
– My mom…who is doing one of the bravest things a mom can do, because she’s letting me go. I hate to think that a move for us might mean a Mother’s Day apart. My mom, even when I was young and stupid, was never estranged from me on Mother’s Day. My mom has done nothing but support me in my adulthood, even when it wasn’t ‘sensible’ or popular and even when it cost her. I am proud of her strength, I am so happy that she knows even in letting me go, she will never lose me.
– My Mommy Friends…so many women for me to learn from, laugh with, cry on. We may never get our commune, but we’ll always have the marathon coffee-play-picnic dates and even that occasional wonderful dinner…and my friends who are not mommies yet are every bit as important to me…thank you for reminding me who else I am!
– My new TN girlfriends, whether moms or not (I think I’m up to 3). I’m going to need them more than they probably know! Motherhood is not a job for one, and even when we have great husbands, like I do, the support of women is essential.
– This mom, another whom I don’t know in real life, not that it matters. Every time I see her pictures and read her words, I am reminded to just drink in the beauty and purity of my children, to love the color and silliness and even the unexpected challenges they bring.
And of course, on Mother’s Day, I celebrate my kids. We have an unbalanced family, a weird-looking one, some might say. But we’re zany and lovable, and once upon a time, we deemed ourselves happy, brave, and free. It still holds:
Miranda and Kaity are so easy, with their toddler-ness and adorable-ness. They made me laugh and sigh and they sap all I have and fill me up again. I spent most of my life wishing for them, and now I cannot imagine and barely remember what life was before them.
Paige is my bonus daughter. My daughter. I feel like I don’t show her enough, and I hope I give her enough. We call me “the glue,” and perhaps I do hold our family together, but in many ways, she holds me together.
And Josh, our son. Things are different this year, and maybe not so different. Things have never been easy with us for all sorts of reasons, I guess. But nothing changes the love of a mom…and though I am not his mom, and though I may not even be in the role of supporting mom for now, he is my son by choice, and in some ways, that is just as powerful.
For me, the last year has seen accomplishments and adventures I never fathomed. That’s cool, it’s great, I’m happy about it. But being Mommy, being part of that community, is the single most grand and proud and amazing title I’ve ever carried. I’d wear a sparkly cape if I had one, but instead, this mother’s day, I will just be grateful.