We’re on the way home from another whirlwind 2 days. We stopped at the Flying J in Somewhere, Indiana – you know the place, and I think it was Indiana, and for those of you who don’t ride around in diesel-sucking vehicles, Flying J is a place to gas up, empty, fill, and if you are so inclined, buy DVDs from 1983, bananas, and/or Chinese food. Caught up?

Anyway, I wanted some coffee and frankly, after 48 hours or so of nonstop crazy, didn’t feel like making it, and didn’t want to risk waking my sweet little minions, who tend to sleep like the concussed to the roar of the engines and the general highway noise, but will stir and scream if they hear, say, a drawer closing.

I was a wee nervous about going inside by myself at midnightish, but mostly because I was without lipstick and, God help us, wearing sports sandals and socks (In the bus, no one can see your feet). There was hardly anyone in there so my nerves were wasted. Well, except I couldn’t get the lid on the coffee cup and the guy in front of me in line had a SCREAMING & SWEARING fit about filling out the refund paperwork for a cup of coffee he didn’t actually buy (the poor cashier saw his travel mug on the counter & assumed it was full).

My nerves are really quite all over the place and… nervy.. right now. And now I am sitting on the bus in the quiet at 1am, reading blogs and filling in the gaps of my newest project and wondering what my problem is.

Definitely, Miranda is going through a behavioral… trial right now. It happened at almost this same time last year. She tests every boundary. She flat out ignores instruction. She screams and hits when ‘provoked’ in her mind. She is demanding and controlling and impatient and has to have everything a certain way and reminds me of someone.

Kaity is at a challenging age. She is a typical 18 month old. She is smart and happy and wants to explore everything. She climbs and runs and looks at you with a golden halo and big smile no matter what she gets caught doing.

The last two days on the bus with them, with 2 concerts and lots of driving, was Challenging. There was ink on the church pew and popcorn on the theatre floor (concert hall, not a movie), spilled things on the bus – many spilled things, tantrums, a lack of fresh air.

We have a big week next week with NQC and the first issue of SGN Scoops coming out. Even though we said we were going to relax and chill and refresh after Branson, I feel almost as tense now as I did then.

But tonight I was chatting with a friend of mine and she said something really simple like, “We need to have FUN [next week in Louisville].”

Well, duh? What is my problem?

Is this a symptom of being self-employed? Generation X? Mother of young children? Artistic? Former Catholic (except I was, you know, 4 when we left that church)? WHAT is it? Why am I always so worried about Getting Things Done?

The other day, we were getting ready to go somewhere, and Miranda said, “I have to get my things together.” REALLY? She’s not even three. And yet, I have taught her that a playdate requires three bags worth of junk… snacks that need to be prepared and not just pulled out of a Nabisco box, an iTunes playlist for a 20 minute car ride, extra milk.For crying out loud, the kid hasn’t had an accident since her first 2 weeks of being potty trained and I’m still carrying around 2 extra pairs of underpants in my purse.

What the heck?

I asked God tonight as I was crying into the bus closet, trying to jam the broom back in after fleeing the 2nd half of the concert, sweeping up Doritos and Little Debbies, and making my children spend time without Elmo on, ‘WHAT do you WANT me to DO?’

I bet He laughed.

Isn’t it obvious? Take care of the kids. Take care of the family. Take care of the ministry.

And take care being open to interpretation, maybe somewhere in there is also a ‘Calm the heck down.’

I don’t know if Scoops is going to get 20k downloads in its first month.

I don’t know if Miranda will get into the dance class since I’ve waited so long to register.

I don’t know if Branson GMC will sell out in its second year.

I don’t know what kind of medical insurance we will have in June, or where we’ll be living a year from now.

I don’t know how the first Moms and More meeting will go if I don’t have the photo directory finished.

I don’t know how else to gain Twitter followers or why I care.

I know that today, a lot of people I know were mourning a lot of stuff that is more sad and more serious than any of the poop taking residence in my head and making me crazy.

Rod just pulled over. Were an hour from home, still, but we’re done for the night. I know that I have two little people to snuggle with and a tired driver who is trying to give moral support to his Flying J nutso wife. God bless him.

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