Yesterday, as pictured, we took the babies for their first adventure at Chuck E. Cheese’s. It wore them out. They loved it, even the bad pizza and lame animatronics. (oh, and yes… they wore their tutus).

So today had to be a letdown, and they were at defcom 5 on the ladder of high maintenance.

There was poop in pants, broken glass, pee in bed & on floor, tantrums, specific snack needs (Rice Krispies thrown on the kitchen floor in the midst of dinner prep = fun. Really…), requests for multiple clothing changes, mess after mess after unshared toy.


My patience was unfortunately short. I have a lot of ‘work’ going on in the next 2.5 weeks. I know. I should know by now, should remember on these days, that the first priority of my every day is the care of those little ones. It’s why I’m not teaching. It’s why I’m not blahblahblah. And today, it’s why I wasn’t answering emails or laying out pages or calling back people. (Though, score, I did manage to clean out another closet!)

Right before dinner was ready, I read one of my everyday blogs. Maddie’s parents, especially her mom, are never far from my heart.

In fact, there isn’t much my girls do (one being a little older than Maddie was, one a little younger), that doesn’t make me think of Heather and the loss she must feel on a daily basis.

And after I read this post, with some details about her last minutes with Maddie, I lost it for a minute.

I don’t understand why anyone should have to live with that kind of terror in her memory, with those images of a sweet baby who was bleeding and hurting and fighting.

It doesn’t fit into my framework of real and acceptable.

Miranda has started a new routine at bedtime. After we get in het room and turn the lights off, but before we thank Jesus, she has to run to the bathroom one more time. Tonight I stayed kneeling by her bed, and prayed this:

For all the mommies and daddies feeling that loss tonight… please give them peace and hope where their grief is.

I didn’t ask for joy. I can’t imagine ever truly feeling joy after something like that.

But I have to believe God can give that.