Is it every woman’s dream to one day have a daughter?

Seems like it’s been mine forever.

I love having daughters. LOVE IT! I love picking out their clothes and brushing their hair and singing Disney Princess songs and painting nails and oohing and aahing over shoes and sharing snacks and having adventures. (and this pretty much describes how it is with the tots & the teen!)

I love watching them be sisters. I grew up not having one. All – and I mean ALL – my close friends have one. I get totally ske-rewed on the maid of honor thing every time. But they, from the time Miranda was 6 months old and Kaity wasn’t even here yet – they all have their sister thing. Sister secrets. Code words. Games. Special times. Inside jokes. It’s so precious.

All children are of course special. I guess I understand sons a little less, since I am not one, and since my “I do” son was older when he came to me so I didn’t get to see him grow so much. Daughters are a sacred thing. I want mine to grow making better choices than I made, avoiding the mistakes I made, becoming women who are strong and capable and kind and who chase God with all their hearts.

We went to see Tyler Perry’s I Can Do Bad All By Myself last night. I am not sure if I have ever both laughed and cried so hard during a movie; certainly I haven’t since Steel Magnolias. Part of the theme of this movie was the children left behind by destructive lives of parents. It’s a reality that I have only seen from afar in real life, and also I metaphor that I have seen closer than I care to. So often people don’t see that their decisions have mighty power in the lives of their children.

I am so protective of mine, sometimes to a fault. I know at times they need to feel the lows of life and learn to navigate complications. I just would much rather they be happy all the time.

Watching that movie made my heart hurt all the more for orphan children. Though I ache for some of the things my stepkids have gone through, though I worry about some of the chaos our little ones go through, I know that my four children really have charmed lives. They will likely, praise God, never know some of the darkness and hurt and desperation of many children.

I have known for a long time that some day, I will have a daughter who looks nothing like me. It used to be a visual in my head of a little Chinese girl, sleeping in the 2nd bedroom of the condo I bought when I was 24. During my period of ‘infertility’ it was one we’d receive at a airport some where. Now, it’s a blurrier image of a face and color and age. Now, I will have a daddy and sisters and a brother to offer to her as well. I don’t know who she is or where she is, but I know my heart is getting more and more ready to meet her. I am waiting on God to show this to Rod.. he is supportive, but he doesn’t see it yet.

I know one day, and I think it might be soon, our home will open to someone who needs it, someone who does not come ‘from’ us, but comes ‘to’ us. Her bed is already here. Her mama and daddy are already here. And even though my arms and house and life are very full, I am aching a little bit for her right now.

Wherever she is, whomever she is – or maybe it’s a he; it doesn’t matter – I have such a fierce love growing for her right now. I want to help. I want to do something that matters for someone who needs. We have been so blessed with so much we do not deserve. I live in a home that is overflowing with life. I want to do what we are called to do. Our lives have been so surprising the past few years.. I am just waiting to see what adventure is coming next. I don’t know how she will come to us, but I am waiting, and no avenue will surprise me.

DISCLAIMER: Please do not panic Grammas, Papas, various helpers/sitters/friends. I am not trying to get pregnant or filing adoption papers. It’s a God thing. I don’t even understand it!

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