‘In a manner of speaking, Sir,  it was the kite that ran away, not the children.’

– the driver(?) in Mary Poppins
I don’t know why this quote struck me… maybe because I think it’s ok to make excuses for kids sometimes, but maybe not so much for everyone else!

9:53 am

I am holding both the babies. Kaity threw up all yesterday evening and all this morning, but thankfully slept through the night. Miranda is much better but not quite herself. It’s almost the end of Sleeping Beauty and my true favorite moment of the film: the first time ‘grown-up Aurora’ hugs her mother. So precious. Naturally, that and the fact that in seven minutes my Papa’s funeral will be started and I am not there nor welcome there is weighing heavily on me. I am grateful when Miranda rises from the couch in her frilly nightgown to dance for me to ‘Once Upon a Dream.’ I am also grateful that Kaity is extra snuggly, although it’s for a nasty reason.

I had such high hopes. There were high hopes for this week after being gone… ‘getting things done,’ catching up with people. There were high hopes for this weekend… an anniversary date tonight, a fun ‘just the 6 of us’ date tomorrow night. It’s the flu that has zapped those hopes, but I don’t know how much of a mood I am in for dates anyway.

Three years ago I had really high hopes, too. I had hopes that the grandparents who came to my brother’s wedding and were kind to me and my husband would finally allow the walls between us to come down. It was clear pretty quickly that the guardians around those walls would not allow it.

But, thanks again Lord, because that’s also the time my 6zillionth hopes of being pregnant started, and they were so, so met…

Anyway, now we’re on to Mary Poppins. She (well, Ms. Julie Andrews) really is so pretty; I don’t just say that to agree with Miranda. She also has one of my favorite voices. It’s so clear and soothing. It makes having to see the movie more often than I’d like more tolerable…  It’s really too bad about the whole 3rd act, also too bad about date night, overnight, playdate, store, bagels, cleaning, flyer order,  stop at Central, working out, phone calls, wash, those poor people in Lousiana losing their homes again, sick grandparents, sick babies, broken plans. Maybe I’m supposed to be using this time for reflection,but I’d rather keep some thoughts far.

My later in the day thoughts are a little brighter.  That doesn’t mean I didn’t include in some ‘but VENGEANCE should be MINE’ kind of moments, or cry a little more to Faith Hill’s “You’re Still Here” (‘I can see you in my baby’s eyes, and I laugh and cry).. But I took Kaykay to the doctor, and she was fine (in manner of not being dehydrated and no longer vomiting; still feverish and lethargic, but we can deal with that). While we were gone, Rod took Miranda to fly her kite for the first time. Then I ate some Burger King comfort food (note: two tacos, 6-piece cheesy tots, and if Randy happens to read this, yes, that’s ‘all I do’ and hence why I still have 20 ‘baby pounds’ to lose) and brought Randa to my parents’ house for the night… partly because that was the ‘plan’ and partly because there is no better symbol of hope than a child, and Mom needs some.

So many things have happened lately to deeply and kind of drastically change my perspective. I don’t mean to be blunt, but isn’t it better that old people die than young? Isn’t it better for my kids to have the flu than to have cancer or be in some awful accident? No, I am not being Pollyanna looking for fake silver linings, but seriously… since things can be worse, I am just pausing to be grateful that they are not.

Kaity is better, sleeping. After she goes to bed for the night, Paige will stay will her and Rod & I will enjoy a very modified version of our date. On a rainy Friday six years ago, we were married in a small office with just Josh, Paige, my parents, and Renee & Matt present. We ate at Aurelio’s, Josh had a friend over, we watched Lilo and Stitch with Paige, and the next day I went scrapbooking. Why should the random 6th anniversary be any less chaotic or any more traditional? But August 8th – the anniversay of our wedding – is coming, so I’ll hold out some high hopes for that.

And on one last note, Deuteronomy 32:35, because if not, I’m going to sin. Big.