(Yes, there is a funny conclusion to the ‘clothes left at home story.’ But it’s not for today.)

When Rod was singing Sunday morning, I realized something. One of the covers he often does is “Beulah Land.” He sang it as his dad’s funeral almost three years ago, and it’s become very special to him. If you don’t know the song, it is all about going to Heaven… how going home to that side makes all the struggles of this world, the struggles of our faith, more than worth the ride.

I have never been a ‘heavenly-minded’ kind of girl. I enjoy life. I like its challenges, adventures, friends. I love food and music and movies and summer and making memories. My whole life I have said that I don’t want the rapture to come until I could live… be the best I was supposed to be… and… get married and have babies and see them grow.

Well, as it turns out, even by age 31 (which, you know, is the new 17, or something like that), I have lived a LOT. I have had two careers. I have inherited children and then birthed a couple of miracles. I married the best man I know and our life together is one big adventure. And Sunday morning, as that man sang the words, “I”m looking out just across that river to where my faith is gonna end in sight; there’s just a few more days to labor, and then I’ll take my Heavenly flight” – I realized something: I am ready for that place.

To my non-Christian friends, let me disclaim here: I am not contemplating suicide! But wow, the way this world is going, it’s hard to fathom how much worse things can get (and we know they can always get worse). I believe Jesus will not return to us until all of heard, and I know there are parts of the world still waiting. Even so, the natural disasters that kill tens of thousands, the wars and genocides that seem to have no end, the hatred displayed between fellow humans, and the utter lack of solutions to all of it… maybe it won’t be, maybe it can’t be, much longer until God says, “Enough.”

This isn’t a profound statement about the world I am making here. It’s just a profound realization for me. As a parent, I am blessed to be watching my kids at very different and very special times. Josh has one more year of high school, and then his ‘real life’ begins. Paige is just starting high school and will be figuring out who she is. Miranda is heading (like a freight train) toward two, and every day she learns things that blow my mind. And my sweet Kaity… she is almost 4 months old, still full of innocence and mystery, and I find myself wishing more and more I could hold her in that place.

I know my parents had the same fears and wonders about us when we were young. I know they wondered what kinds of futures we could have in a world that seemed to be getting worse every day. It makes this 31 year old feel a lot older to say I don’t understand the thoughts and values of a lot of “youth today.” I worry that no matter how much I teach and model and love my babies, they could fall completely away from what I believe is the Truth, from the road that will lead them to Beulah.

As a Christian, I know the best I can do is pray that won’t happen. As a mama, I know that I need to take every moment I can to love them not just with my love, but with that Jesus gave me. And as a woman… wow… I feel myself longing for Beulah Land.